Trying To Explain

It's funny how different this whole second child thing has been for me. I hate to talk about it out loud in fear it will change. But seeing how I've never been one to hold back...I'll put it out there and immediately knock on wood.

While pregnant with Jace I tried hard to prepare myself mentally and emotionally for the bomb that was about to hit. I struggled big time after Camden was born and I thought I knew what was coming. But with that being said, I was also aware that I had no idea what was coming(if that makes any sense). I guess I was trying to prepare for everything, without having any expectations. I talked with moms who had a hard time with two and others who thought it was a breeze. I just KNEW I was gonna get a run for my money. I had come to terms with getting no sleep, feeling like death, looking even worse, and being a basket case.
Much to my surprise, not everything I KNEW would happen, did. Yes I felt crappy in the hospital, but it didn't last as long. No my body didn't miraculously look like a supermodel right after giving birth, but I knew not to try my "normal" clothes for awhile. Yes, my newborn wakes up in the middle of the night, but my two year old wakes up more(and has for the last few months). Yes I had a few meltdowns, but not nearly as many and I knew it was okay to feel that way.
As much as I've tried to explain how I've felt after two, I can't seem to find the words. I remember getting so mad when I heard mom's say how wonderful having babies was and how they connected from the get-go. I never felt that way for a long time with Camden, but this time I get it. Not to say I didn't love Camden, because I did and I do. But my world was just completely rocked in a way I never expected. Jace will be three weeks old tomorrow and I know the road is long. But for now I will embrace the good baby I have and cherish these near perfect times before they are gone.

He is starting to be more awake during the day. His umbilical cord is getting ready to fall off. He has already outgrown some clothing. I might have to start feeding him 6oz at a time. I'm afraid my baby is growing up too fast.

Firsts

Today for the first time since Jace was born...

• We made a trip to Target, just me and the two kids. It went surprisingly well.
• I cooked dinner. Everyone has been so gracious, we've had plenty of food.
• I cleaned a toilet. Don't judge me, it wasn't THAT dirty.
• I sneezed a good sneeze and it didn't hurt. I dare you to try sneezing after your abdominal muscles have been cut.
• I polished off the remaining 1/2 gallon pistachio icecream that I just bought Saturday.
• I demanded my doctor give me a referral to be seen by an ENT, and it worked. I haven't been able to hear out of my left ear for quite some time due to stupid fluid(or so I think).
• Camden went down for a nap without climbing out of his crib to bang on the door for an hour.

I feel accomplished!

Choo Choo

Dan has known for quite some time that this week at work would be the craziest yet. So as I was preparing myself to be a single mother with a newborn and a toddler, I thought we needed one last day of fun.
Dan had the day off so after all of us took naps we headed to the train park. When we first pulled up we saw this old steam engine and Dan was like a kid at a candy store. He has always had a love for trains that I think he inherited from his grandpa.
Camden wasn't too sure what to think of the train ride. He was a bit apprehensive at first but by the end he had set his fears aside and enjoyed himself.

Now the carousel was a different story. Camden was terrified from the beginning and I'm pretty sure it got worse with time. Better luck next time.

Goodbye

These two were born on the same day, same way(c-section), same doctor, same hospital. And for the remainder of our hospital stay we were only one room apart. It was like having family close by.
And for the last two years it's been fun watching them grow up. Seeing them together at "family" dinner, or get togethers was always a good time. We are sad those get togethers won't be as often anymore seeing how they are moving to Utah this week.

Last night they came over and we let them say their goodbyes. Isn't this picture hilarious? Kali is moving in for the kill and Camden is trying to act all cool.

We are so excited for you guys, but will definitely miss you!

It's About Time

Apparently we are in the middle of basketball playoffs. Why would I know such a thing? So last night when I was wanting to spend some quality time with my husband because #1 was in bed, #2 was taking a cat nap, and I didn't want to work on my talk for Sunday. I got to spend that quality time with just the two of us, on the couch, watching the Jazz game. Romantic, I know.

I try not to ask very many questions and I also try to yell at the TV once or twice so he knows I'm paying attention. I think I did a pretty good job last night, wouldn't you say Dan? Well, I learned last night that the Jazz really needed this win in order to not be a complete humiliation and get swept.

And because they pulled it off and came through with a win...
We are sportin' the jersey!

Uncle Aaron, this one's for you!

PS. I'm pretty sure the quality time worked because I feel more connected to Dan now after watching that game together than I ever have before.

One Of Them Is Not Like The Other

I've been trying to convince myself that these complete opposites both belong to me. The only resemblance I really see is the chubby cheeks they both inherited from yours truly. Other than that, I believe their looks are like night and day.

Both these pictures were taken when they were about one week old. When I took this picture of Jace I was having major deja vu. I remember my mom was here(both times) and we were just hanging out(both times), and I couldn't resist taking this picture(both times).

Not only are they exact opposites when it comes to looks, but pretty much every other aspect as well. While I was pregnant with Camden he didn't move around much inside of me, Jace never stopped. When Camden was a baby he hated being wrapped tight in a blanket, Jace LOVES it. Camden loved being on his belly, Jace hates it. Camden peed on me everytime I changed his diaper, Jace has only peed on me one time. Camden loved baths, Jace hates them. Camden was a noisy sleeper and kept me up a lot. Jace gets me up once to eat and is back down for the count. Camden never pooped, Jace never stops.

I LOVE both my kids(man that's weird to say), but I am also loving all these opposites. Maybe Jace won't give me such a run for my money. Yeah right, he's still little!

Sickness

Dear Sickness,

I don't have patience for ever, but especially now after just having a baby! Please leave my boys alone!

Lissa

Wait... That was too nice, I wanna try again.

Dear Sickness,

I hate your stinkin guts! You make me vomit. You're scum between my toes.

Love,

Lissa

Back To Reality

Thanks for coming to stay with us Nanny B, we miss you already!

Now that you're gone who will cook us breakfast, lunch, and dinner? Who will grocery shop? Who will clean the house? Who will do all the laundry and stay on top of it? Who will take us for walks? Who will play, "feed me Seymour" at lunch so we eat our food? Who will wake up with Jace AND Camden every night? Who will make us "special drinks"? Who will take over when mom has a melt down? Who will catch the peeping toms? Who will make our bed everyday? Who will stock our freezer full of homemade meals? Who will love on one kid while I love on the other? Who will cater to our every need? I guess now that your gone reality will hit!

Reality bites!

First Doctor Visit

Jace had his first visit with the pediatrician today. I'm pretty sure he wasn't too fond of him all up in his business!
Today he weighed 8lbs 1oz. He is 21inches tall and his head is 34.3cm. The doctor also commented on how "GQ" he is and his "awesome sideburns".

He is looking a little jaundice so we will make a return visit again next week to be sure all is well.

How It All Went Down

Friday morning we dropped Camden off at the babysitter before heading to the hospital. And you know me, I had to have her take our last family picture with just the three of us. It is a very weird feeling knowing you will start the day with just one child and finish with two. I wasn't really nervous, just anxious to be done!
When we arrived at the hospital I felt weird checking in to have a scheduled delivery. Most women go to the hospital in pain hoping they won't be sent away because they haven't progressed. I went to the hospital that morning with a clean house, makeup on, hair done, hoping they wouldn't turn me away because the operating room was full. This was it, it was for real.I can't help but think my man looks hot in these nice hospital scrubs! They liked him so much they even gave him his favorite color for this big day(not really, but it works)!

When they came in my room and told Dan to get dressed my heart skipped a beat. Here we were, just two short hours after arriving and headed to the OR. Dan waited in the room next door while I received my spinal. They laid me on the table, strapped my arms down, and I felt my bottom half go numb in a matter of seconds. I started to panic a little which raised my blood pressure. I was hoping they wouldn't notice, but when you are hooked up to all that equipment the alarms notify the rest of the world how you are really feeling. The nurse anesthetist was awesome and talked me through my "small panic attack" before Dan came in. One he walked in, it was go time.

At 12:51pm this big guy was born and we were off to the recovery room. I knew what to except seeing how this was a repeat c-section and was better prepared to be "out of it" for the next two days. Luckily this time I remember them wheeling me to recovery and seeing him get his first bath. I saw Dan feed the chunker his first bottle and he snarfed it down. It was a great feeling being more alert. After we stayed in the recovery room for about an hour I felt the medication kick in and me slipping off into la la land. They wheeled me to my room where Tiffani was waiting and that's about all I remember. The itching began!

Later that night Camden came to meet his new brother and has been loving on him ever since.

We can't get enough of his dark hair and calm demeanour(knock on wood). He is such a joy and we are so glad he is finally here.

Welcome to the world Jace David Walker.

Here are some of the pictures from today. We welcome Carston or Jace David Walker (we are still a little undecided). He weighed in at 8 lbs 12 oz and was 21 1/2 inches long.

Ready or Not Here He Comes

All the laundry is done. The house is clean. My freezer is stocked. A hospital bag is packed. Camden is asleep. Now my mind can race...

Scheduling a c-section and seeing an end in site has been nice. But there is something nerve-racking about knowing the exact amount of time you have left until you will be a mother of two. I can't really explain how I'm feeling at the moment. It's a little surreal.

I've tried not to worry if I did enough with Camden while he was my only child, but it's hard. I can't help but think how different life will be. I am scared to recover not only from having a new baby but from surgery as well. How will Camden react to me not being able to pick him up? Am I ready for the pain and adrenaline rush that goes along with surgery. Am I ready for the hormonal rollercoaster ride and baby blues that follow? Will I ever be able to leave the house with two children in tow? When will I sleep? Will there be complications with the delivery? Will my baby be healthy? How will Camden react to his competition? Will we ever decide on a name? When do I have to start my diet? Will I be more alert after surgery? Can we really handle this?

My list could go on and on, but I better stop before I hyperventilate. Wish us luck. In just twelve short hours from now we will be arriving at the hospital. And two more after that is baby time!

To be continued....

Too Much?

Why is it people think just because you are pregnant you have no feelings? (You really don't have to answer that...I'm well aware I'm overly sensitive...especially now)

For the last month or so I have heard many comments about me "being ready to pop". I guess you could say these comments have taken a toll on me, I've heard enough. Today I snapped!

In order to get my hours in before Friday I worked the last three days in a row(12 hour shifts). I'm not kidding when I say at least 30 people asked if I was having twins. Really people, I'm gonna have a baby any day, I'm still working, I'm well aware I have a waddle that can be seen from a mile away, I feel like crap, do you think you need to ask that question? Do you think that makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside?

So today after about the fifth person asked me that very question, I did something I shouldn't have done. Here's how it went down:

Rude Lady: Hi, I'm here to draw labs on the patient in room....WOW look at you! When are you due?
Me: In two days!!!
Rude Lady: Man, are there two in there?
Me: Nope, just one but thanks for letting me know you think I'm huge. Would you like to go step on the scale and measure which one of us weighs more?
Rude Lady: (speechless)
Me: And I'm nine months pregnant(as I walked away to go cry in the bathroom)!

Word to the wise...The less you say to a pregnant woman the better off you are.

Sugar For Breakfast Anyone?

Ask me if I let my son have an ice cream cone at 9 this morning?

Yup! The answer is a big ol' fatty yes! I wanted one, so I assumed he would too. I'm pretty sure we both enjoyed it more than we thought possible.

Dear Camden...

I've started to worry how you might react to the changes coming your way next week. Last night I couldn't help but lay down with you when it was time for bed so we could snuggle a little longer. I was laughing inside as you drifted off to sleep singing Old MacDonald's "E..I..E..I..O". After we both fell asleep Dad put you in your crib because all of us sleep better that way. Only last night was different, you had a hard time staying asleep. You woke up several times and kept all of us up for most of the night. I feel bad for losing my temper more than once and realize where your short fuse comes from.


Even though both of us looked like orphans today, we needed to get out of the house. You needed entertainment that I didn't have the energy to provide. Just because it's April doesn't mean we can't have fun in the water. You ran around for almost two hours fully content soaking up some rays. Every time the water from the fountain would go down you'd say, "uh oh" and when it shot up in the air again you yelled, "ta da". I couldn't help but fall more in love with you today!
You are almost 22 months and as smart as they come. You are full of curiosity and think you're bigger than you really are. Every time you see another kid, you point and say "baby". Anything that can possibly be climbed on, you do. You are such a ham for anyone that will smile and you love to say "cheese" for the camera. Everything you drink is "juice", and you would eat a "bue pock" (blue popsicle) for dinner every night if you could. You have become attached to your "blank" and insist it goes to bed with you every night along with your baby. First thing in the morning you want to watch "bue's cue's" (Blue's Clue's) and call your Dad on the phone.

You are definitely ALL BOY! Instead of saying the word monster you insist on growling. You love balls and most recently your dads hats. You know how to push our buttons but you also know when to say you're sorry. You have a sensitive side and can give one killer hug. Your new brother already knows how much you love him from all the hugs and kisses you give him through my belly. You are such a joy and I can't wait for you to be a big brother. I love you Cam!

Love, Mom

Just Part of The List

Here in the Walker household we wear our emotions on our sleeve. It's never very difficult to tell when things aren't going to swell. Lately things have been rather tense and I blame most of that on my need to have this child out of me now. Here is just a small list of reasons why it's in everyones best interest to pray this child comes quick:

1. The other day while standing in a ridiculously long line at Walmart(I hate that evil necessary) for my one item. The woman behind me asked me if I would hand her the little grocery divider so she could begin to unload her cart. The only divider was the one dividing my groceries from the person in front of me. So I turned to the poor woman asking the question and gave her the worst look and said, "where would you like me to get one for you?" Scared out of her mind, but gutsy nonetheless, she dared point to the aforementioned. So what did I do? I grabbed MY DIVIDER and slammed it down on the belt for her to use instead of me.

When I got home I felt so bad, I was crying. Did I really need to make a fool of myself like that? Did that woman really deserve to be treated like an idiot? Holy cow, get this child out now!

2. When I really need to find a way to relax I enjoy taking bubble baths. So yesterday morning I filled the tub full of what I thought would be an appropriate amount of water to bathe in. This was an extremely humiliating moment for me when I attempted to get in and the water started overflowing!!!

Note to self: You are way to large to be taking bathes at this point in your pregnancy. If you want to, try getting in and then filling the tub with water as to not put yourself through the humiliation.

3. My waddle gets worse by the second. My hips do NOT need to be moving in the ways they are, seeing how I will be having a c-section anyway.

4. The need for a ridiculous amount of Dr. Pepper just keeps increasing everyday. Yesterday I consumed 6 cans without even realizing it. Are you serious Lissa? That is embarrassing!

5. The amount of ice I chew nearly doubles the necessary amount of water one should be drinking in a day.

I guess that's what they call killing two birds with one stone.

6. Everyone I come in contact with tells me I look tired. Do you think I need a reminder? I'm very aware I got up six times last night to use the bathroom. Not to mention the ten other times I had to call in a crane to roll me over because my limbs were numb from the current way I was trying to sleep.

7. I have been debating whether or not to change my countdown until 1230 on April 10th from days to hours.

Need I continue? People...start praying!