WARNING! LONG AND HORMONAL POST

When Camden was just a few weeks old I remember talking to Dan about how guilty I felt for not bonding with Cam the way other women did with their baby. I felt totally ripped off that I didn't get to experience "child birth", and that overwhelming love I was supposed to feel when the doctor placed the baby on my chest right after delivery(ya know, like it happens on TLC). I asked Dan if the nurses in the hospital thought I was a bad first time mom because I was all for having them keep Camden in the nursery at night. I was worried because I never changed a diaper in the hospital(physically I could barely move without help), and if the nurses called CPS on me because I wasn't fit to be a mother. When my mom flew here to stay with us for a few days I let Camden sleep in the other room with her, so we could get a full night of rest. Did that make her think I didn't want to be a mom? Should I feel bad about wanting to get out of the house, and leave Camden with Dan? Was my child going to have health issues because I hated breast feeding?

There were so many little things that felt so BIG and were weighing me down with worry and guilt. Dan reassured me that everything was fine. He told me I would feel "that" feeling other women described, and I would tell the same story they did about child birth in ten years from now. Well today part of that story is coming out. I have felt "that" feeling, I am overwhelmed with joy to finally have Camden here with us. It is a feeling that cannot be described. My mom always said that she would do anything for us and wanted us to be happy. I thought she just had to say that cause she was our mom! But today I have a little glimpse on how she really must have felt and still feels for each of us. I would do anything for Camden, and thinking about something bad happening to him makes me cringe! Even after a day of crying non stop, barfing all over me, pooping 15 times, not napping...I would still do anything for this kid.

Seriously, how could I ever be mad at a face like this?

This was one night where he just wouldn't fall asleep. He cried and cried and cried until I went in his room. He had rolled over onto his back and was just starring at me! How could I not pick him up and hold him?
Despite all of the pictures where he is sporting a serious face, this is what I get to see most of the day! He is a pretty happy boy. And nobody can get him to laugh like his dad does, it must be a guy thing!