I often wonder why some of the hardest things we go through in this life leave us with so many unanswered questions. But I am quickly reminded when I find the answer to something else that is hard, it doesn't take away the fact that it was HARD. This is something I battle all of the time, I want answers to things until I receive the answer I don't necessarily want. How stupid is this? It makes me so mad that I just cannot accept the fact that some things are best, left unanswered. Even though I realize this and vow to remind myself whenever I am in a similar situation; it never fails, I still beg for an answer. That lesson is always easier said, than done.
So tonight as my mind is racing a million miles an hour, wanting an answer to something that cannot be answered, I will instead write. I am not going to beg for an answer, maybe in fear that I will hear something I don't want to. Or maybe I have learned from the past(finally, but highly unlikely). Whatever it may be that has changed my heart in this moment, I am grateful for it.
My emotions have been so high lately, something I thought would get better with time after having a baby! But I haven't seen much progress since that day. Maybe I am doomed to this hormonal, girly, emotional state! If that be the case, maybe you should stop reading this for fear it might happen to you as well.
My mom used to always say to us when we asked why, "because I'm the Mom and I said so". So why doesn't that work for Heavenly Father? Why do I continue to ask why? I would venture to say I am not the only one in this world that does this. So why people, do we do this to ourselves?
Now that I have blabbered my emotions out on paper(not really, but sorta like paper), I have to confess. I am not writing this for pity or for anyone to think I have a terrible life, my life is far from terrible. But just so I can look back on this day when I do know the answer to THIS question and remember how I felt. It is times like this when I need to step back, take a deep breath, and let my heart continue to be soft and easily touched. But that is easier said, than done.