Lately it's as if my thoughts have been running circles around me. I can't keep up with them. So tonight I sit at my computer hoping to find peace with my thoughts. I am searching for meaning amidst the chaos.
Writing is an outlet for me. Being able to put my thoughts on paper(or a blog) is a safe place for my heart to speak. Speaking before I think is a short coming of mine. I often find myself saying something I wish I hadn't. But when I write, I can let it flow knowing there is time to proof read. I feel a sense of relief when I get things of my chest and written down. I often feel regret as I speak whats on my mind while living in the moment.
As I've been trying hard to remember my word of the year, I find myself not wanting to discuss certain things. Ya know, the certain things that get me down. The things that make me stressed or worried or overwhelmed. The hard things. But maybe that's my way of proof reading. Maybe that's my way of thinking before I speak. I hope that's the case cause that means I'm getting better.
But I'm fully aware that thinking about, and writing down my concerns won't take them away. But I'm convinced it unlocks another piece to the puzzle. My eyes are opened to a much bigger picture. The picture I need to see.
For Mother's Day 2 years ago I received what I thought to be a boring gift, and tucked it inside my church bag. It wasn't until I recently rediscovered it, that I came to appreciate it's thoughtfulness. This gift was a homemade CD of carefully selected talks and music. I put it in my car radio and have found myself indulging in it every chance I get. Rewinding, re-listening, and trying to remember everything that was said.
Elder F. Enzio Busche said, "...when you are compelled to give up something or when things that are dear to you are withdrawn from you, know that this is your lesson to be learned right now. But know also that, as you are learning this lesson, God wants to give you something better."
I often find myself in the thick of thin things feeling extremely overwhelmed. But it's nice to remember when things aren't going as planned, God has something better in store. Patience is a hard lesson to be learned. A lesson I learned to never pray for, but often find myself being taught.
God is aware of my circumstance. What I'm searching for is just around the corner. I'm not exactly sure what it is I'm searching for. But I can feel it. Right. Around. The. Corner. And it feels good.