Yes, I am putting on weight. No, I did not get a boob job. Yes, my uterus is the size of a cantaloupe. No, I cannot complete a sentence without crying. Yes, I feel as bad as I look. No, we did not plan this. Yes, we are having a baby!!!
This all started in August when I was feeling like death. I KNEW I either had cancer or was pregnant. At the time I was hoping for the first one, but luckily got the second. I went to the dollar store, bought a pregnancy test(cause I was not about to spend 15 bucks on a "good" one). Used the bathroom and got my answer. I was positive Dan wouldn't believe me, so I went back to the counter and bought another one. The cashier thought I was absolutely nuts, and I pretty much was, but I didn't care.
Rewind one week back...
Dan just accepted a new job and I just told my boss I was coming back to work full time. These were two huge, emotional decisions for both of us. Needless to say, we were at each others throats. We were on a roller coaster ride that was just beginning!
Okay, back to the story...
After coming home from the dollar store and stewing for a few hours; I decided to fill Dan in on my little secret. He was standing in the kitchen so I strategically placed myself at the opposite end with easy access to the back door:) I then asked him if he wanted to know something that would "really throw him for a loop"? Then I said, "Um...we are pregnant!" With which he responded after several minutes of agony, "How? When?"
I felt like an irresponsible teenager that just broke the news to her boyfriend. For the next few hours we didn't say much to one another as we were both in a serious state of shock.
The days and weeks went on and I finally decided it would be wise to call the doctor. I was dreading the conversation with the receptionist because I knew she would ask me how far along I was, and I would again feel like that same teenager. But I did it anyway, and she did ask. I laughed(careful to hide the tears), told her I had no idea and made the appointment.
At our first appointment we were both shocked to find out we were 12 weeks along. At our second appointment I was shocked to hear a heartbeat because I still didn't believe what was going on. Now today I am shocked that I am admitting this is real. I felt the baby move last week and it was all downhill from there. It is true. This is really happening. We will be a family of four in April.
Although the timing of this little one is not how or when we expected, it is still a miracle. I feel blessed with a body that can conceive and carry a child. I feel blessed that Camden will get to be a big brother. But that doesn't take away from my fears. I am scared out of my mind to have two rug rats. I am scared to be working full time again while being pregnant. I am worried about where this one will sleep. What about daycare? How will I manage a toddler and a newborn after having a c-section? Don't even get me started on coming up with a name! The list is endless.
But, one thing I do know...I feel so much better now that this is out in the open. I can let my belly hang out. I can enjoy my midnight snacking. And I can gain weight and not have to worry!