Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Raw

Never mind things I COULD be doing right now like packing, cleaning, or going to sleep so I can function at work tomorrow.  I have this nagging NEED to write my feelings down while they are still raw.

Moving is stressful.  And as I approach our last week here in Arizona I often find myself getting teary eyed over things I probably won't do again.  Like passing the same old man on my way to work who has increased his walk to a slow jog.  Or when I gave my kids a bath with Tessa and she went home in boy pajamas.  Going to lunch with friends.  Tiffani calling to see if I need a Sonic.  Having the youth from our ward just stop by.  Taking my kids to their doctor who I love and trust.  The train park.  Being familiar with my surroundings.  My kids going to church and loving their class and friends. 

There are so many things that make moving stressful.  But the hardest thing so far is watching the stress manifest in my boys.  The other night while saying goodbye to our "AZ family" one of the nieces asked Jace if he was moving, he responded with "far far way".  I asked Camden if I could take his picture with his favorite friend at the babysitter and he sadly replied, "No cause he can't ever come over".  Camden has spent 90% of his days crying because everything seems to be a tragedy, or he is "having a hard day".  Jace has had some serious diarrhea and diaper rash. Nobody is sleeping through the night, naps are a fight and way too short.  Camden asked if the Easter Bunny knew where we were moving to.  They both want one on one time and to be held(too bad Dan is out of town and there is only one of me).

I can handle the stress of moving.  I'm not sure how much longer I can handle the stress it puts on my kids.

While most everything is off my walls by this point, I still have one quote that hangs taped to my microwave.  And I couldn't get it out of my mind yesterday!

"Wherever you are, be there fully.  For where you are is where you can most effectively act and live.  When your thoughts are in another place or time, your actions lose much of their effectiveness.  There is much to be accomplished, much to be lived in every place and in every moment.  Be there fully for all of them, and life will be rich indeed."  -Author Unknown

Thinking about that quote I tried hard to focus on the moment.  I tried hard to make last night about last night, and not about where and what we will be doing in a week.  Dinner was a joke because nobody would eat, so we opted for ice cream cones.  We chased each other around and made fish faces on the windows.  We splashed extra long in the tub.  We read books, snuggled, and had a sleepover in mom's bed.
I appreciate my kids patience with me as I try to get things ready for our move, but I also appreciate subtle reminders that help me be there fully for all of life's moments.

7 comments:

{amy k.} said...

oh, moving... such a joy! i'm sorry it's so stressful! isn't it great to know, it all works out in the end? i'm sure that seems like a load of you know what at this point, but it really does! good luck!

vivek said...

success begins after a stressful life

Amy C said...

Lissa! I know how you feel about things you probably won't see again. The first visit back to AZ after we left, I just bawled. I miss AZ so much. THANK YOU for sharing that quote! I need that. I hope all the moving goes smoothly, and that you and your kids stress can go away. :)

Tawnya said...

That's a great quote. I may steal it for myself. We'll miss you guys tons.

Stacie said...

My dear long lost friend. That quote brought tears to my eyes and was just what I needed today! It is probably not a coinsidence that I looked at your blog for once in a long time:) You are great, good luck in your move...been there, done that. It is never easy, but it is always a fun adventure. I love you always!

DontYouWishYouWereUS said...

Lissa you are such a good person. I am sad for you and all the things and great people you will miss and who will miss you. You are always striving to be better and see the good in the world. I keep thinking that you have so many talents that the people in Idaho need from you. You have shared who you are and have enriched so many lives in AZ and now there are so many others who need your great strength, example and love in your new home. Again my heart is sad for you and having to move, I really wish I could be there to help you out. You are a great friend and will truly be missed and then again truly loved by all the new people who will be blessed to know you. You are doing great!

Lola said...

I found you from the next blog feature on my blog at http://www.happinessinspiration.blogspot.com. I am sorry that you've been having a tough time, but I wanted to say I loved the powerful and emotional words you used to describe moving. Moving is the worst. "Raw" is definitely a great description of how you feel during the process.