Never mind things I COULD be doing right now like packing, cleaning, or going to sleep so I can function at work tomorrow. I have this nagging NEED to write my feelings down while they are still raw.
Moving is stressful. And as I approach our last week here in Arizona I often find myself getting teary eyed over things I probably won't do again. Like passing the same old man on my way to work who has increased his walk to a slow jog. Or when I gave my kids a bath with Tessa and she went home in boy pajamas. Going to lunch with friends. Tiffani calling to see if I need a Sonic. Having the youth from our ward just stop by. Taking my kids to their doctor who I love and trust. The train park. Being familiar with my surroundings. My kids going to church and loving their class and friends.
There are so many things that make moving stressful. But the hardest thing so far is watching the stress manifest in my boys. The other night while saying goodbye to our "AZ family" one of the nieces asked Jace if he was moving, he responded with "far far way". I asked Camden if I could take his picture with his favorite friend at the babysitter and he sadly replied, "No cause he can't ever come over". Camden has spent 90% of his days crying because everything seems to be a tragedy, or he is "having a hard day". Jace has had some serious diarrhea and diaper rash. Nobody is sleeping through the night, naps are a fight and way too short. Camden asked if the Easter Bunny knew where we were moving to. They both want one on one time and to be held(too bad Dan is out of town and there is only one of me).
I can handle the stress of moving. I'm not sure how much longer I can handle the stress it puts on my kids.
Thinking about that quote I tried hard to focus on the moment. I tried hard to make last night about last night, and not about where and what we will be doing in a week. Dinner was a joke because nobody would eat, so we opted for ice cream cones. We chased each other around and made fish faces on the windows. We splashed extra long in the tub. We read books, snuggled, and had a sleepover in mom's bed.
I appreciate my kids patience with me as I try to get things ready for our move, but I also appreciate subtle reminders that help me be there fully for all of life's moments.