Getting out

After being here only a few days I made sure to find my way to Target.  I was craving something familiar and needed to get out on the town.

We took the boys to an egg hunt put on by youth in my parents ward.  After being there for a few seconds someone came up and introduced herself to me.  I couldn't help myself and started sobbing as she put her arm around me and said, "Welcome, I know how hard it is to move".

This past weekend we went to dinner with Dan's brother, Sister and her husband.  I was having a minor panic attack about leaving my boys with anyone for the first time after we moved.  Luckily they were excited to meet their cousins and had a blast while they were babysat.

Yesterday we spent a little time at the mall and let the kids play on the toys.  Jace wasn't shy about finding someone 3 times his size to try and bully.  Camden found a adorably bossy little blonde girl to be his "new friend".

Today a sweet neighbor friend invited the boys and I to attend a puppet show at the library.  My heart was pounding out of my chest as she unloaded her grandson from the car and Camden asked, "Can he be my buddy?"

I'm trying to adjust, and remember that "It takes a couple seconds to say Hello, but forever to say Goodbye".

On The Road Again

Saturday morning(April 16th) was the big day!  We finished up all the "leftover" packing and bid farewell to life as we knew it in Arizona.

As I took one last walk through our place I couldn't help but get teary eyed about all the things I will miss.  The stupid flooring in the kitchen that drove me crazy to clean.  My boys room.  The storage under the stairs with my favorite hiding spot for gifts.  Our big closet.  The stairs I fell down holding both of my newborns.  My yellow bathroom Dan painted for me as a surprise while I was out of town.  My washer and dryer being outside.  Our courtyard patio that always smelled like dog poo.  The flower pot I attempted to keep up on but never did.  The palm trees in my front "yard" that grew so tall.  The parking lot my kids learned to splash puddles in.  The sink my boys had their first bath in.  My new windows, new air conditioning unit, and my new patio door.  The hole in the door from an upset Camden.  The one wall in the kitchen that needed constant cleaning from a food throwing Jace Man.

It's funny how I cursed so many things about living there until I knew it wouldn't be forever.

A couple days before we moved I had a dream about our drive to Idaho.  I kept trying to turn around in the car and look back while Dan was yelling, "Don't look back".  In real life, Dan was driving the moving truck and my Dad didn't say anything about me looking back.

Arizona will always be closer than it appears.

There may or may not have been tears about who got to ride in the BIG BIG truck with Dad.  And I thought I lucked out when he offered to have them both ride at the same time.  But instead of falling fast asleep while my dad chauffeured me in a quiet car; I was on edge watching my entire life in the truck ahead of me.

 We were fortunate enough to spend the first night in St. George with Dan's mom and Grandma. We were sad it was only for a short time, but grateful for their hospitality. They made sure to fill our bellies with a delicious breakfast and our hands with a bag full of fun toys for the ride.

Our boys were such troopers and the entire drive was less stressful than all of us anticipated.  Thanks to some mad driving skills from my Dad and Dan, we made it to Idaho around 7pm Sunday night.

Hoppy Easter

2 of my sisters came up for the weekend and brought with them the magic of Easter.  After going to dinner with Dan's family Saturday night, we came home to eggs all over the yard.

 They had no trouble finding a million eggs and had eaten half their loot before the night was over.

Don't worry, Dan and I ate the other half.

Raw

Never mind things I COULD be doing right now like packing, cleaning, or going to sleep so I can function at work tomorrow.  I have this nagging NEED to write my feelings down while they are still raw.

Moving is stressful.  And as I approach our last week here in Arizona I often find myself getting teary eyed over things I probably won't do again.  Like passing the same old man on my way to work who has increased his walk to a slow jog.  Or when I gave my kids a bath with Tessa and she went home in boy pajamas.  Going to lunch with friends.  Tiffani calling to see if I need a Sonic.  Having the youth from our ward just stop by.  Taking my kids to their doctor who I love and trust.  The train park.  Being familiar with my surroundings.  My kids going to church and loving their class and friends. 

There are so many things that make moving stressful.  But the hardest thing so far is watching the stress manifest in my boys.  The other night while saying goodbye to our "AZ family" one of the nieces asked Jace if he was moving, he responded with "far far way".  I asked Camden if I could take his picture with his favorite friend at the babysitter and he sadly replied, "No cause he can't ever come over".  Camden has spent 90% of his days crying because everything seems to be a tragedy, or he is "having a hard day".  Jace has had some serious diarrhea and diaper rash. Nobody is sleeping through the night, naps are a fight and way too short.  Camden asked if the Easter Bunny knew where we were moving to.  They both want one on one time and to be held(too bad Dan is out of town and there is only one of me).

I can handle the stress of moving.  I'm not sure how much longer I can handle the stress it puts on my kids.

While most everything is off my walls by this point, I still have one quote that hangs taped to my microwave.  And I couldn't get it out of my mind yesterday!

"Wherever you are, be there fully.  For where you are is where you can most effectively act and live.  When your thoughts are in another place or time, your actions lose much of their effectiveness.  There is much to be accomplished, much to be lived in every place and in every moment.  Be there fully for all of them, and life will be rich indeed."  -Author Unknown

Thinking about that quote I tried hard to focus on the moment.  I tried hard to make last night about last night, and not about where and what we will be doing in a week.  Dinner was a joke because nobody would eat, so we opted for ice cream cones.  We chased each other around and made fish faces on the windows.  We splashed extra long in the tub.  We read books, snuggled, and had a sleepover in mom's bed.

I appreciate my kids patience with me as I try to get things ready for our move, but I also appreciate subtle reminders that help me be there fully for all of life's moments.

Happy Birthday

 As much as I miss this chubby, fuzzy haired, smiley, and easy going baby...

I am madly in love with this rambunctious, energetic, hilarious, and hard to get mad at, 2 year old.

We {sorta} celebrated Jace's birthday last night before Dan went out of town.  Don't mind the awesome birthday candles, that's how we roll because everything is packed in boxes.

Jace Man is a mischievous little thing!  He knows just how to push your buttons and does so not because he wants to, but because you don't want him to.  He is very protective of his things but is trying hard to learn the importance of sharing.  He still has a love for his blanket that he calls "bee-dee", as well as his sippy cup.  He loves things with wheels; giant trucks, trains, and cars are definitely a must in his toy box.  He loves to rip books and does most naughty things with a smile on his face.  He knows what he wants and when he wants it.  He is playful and a huge snuggle bug.  He is our favorite 2 year old and we are so happy to celebrate him today!

Just a few...

Reasons why I'm gonna miss Arizona.

I ugly cry just thinking about the friendships we've made here in Arizona.  We have been blessed!

Concert for Jesus

I love when I have "ah-ha" moments that make me feel like I'm doing something right. 

A while back we had family night about the temple.  It was that night Camden started learning the lyrics to one of his favorite songs, "I love to see the Temple".

Belting it out in the aisles of Target, in the waiting room at the eye doctor, or singing it for the dental hygienist, are a few of those times when I feel a little, "ah-ha".  And it is those times when I am reminded to act on the promptings of the spirit.  For the spirit is by far a greater teacher than I.

This past week I found Camden and Jace sitting in the living room having quite the concert.  Camden stood on the entertainment center and yelled, "Ladies and gentlemen and Jesus...what song can I sing for you today".   I will admit I was a tad nervous to hear what he was planning on singing for Jesus.  But you can imagine my excitement when I find he and Jace rocking out on their instruments to that very song, "I love to see the Temple".

Brave Heart

I have been wanting to write this down for awhile now but couldn't find the perfect picture.  Forget the picture!

Jace HATED nursery, like hated with a capital "H" for the longest time.  I stressed about this often.  I'm usually pretty strong when it comes to making my kids go through things that they don't care for.  But this one started to tug at my heart strings after awhile. 

I tried sitting in nursery with him and sneaking out.  I tried sitting in nursery with him and explaining that I will leave and come back soon.  I tried talking about nursery all week.  I tried sending him with a treat to share, or his favorite toy, or a picture of our family.  I tried having his favorite Spencer drop him off at class.  I bribed him with all sorts of things.  No matter what I tried he ended up crying the entire time.  I often found his sweet nursery leaders walking around the halls with him, or going outside for fresh air, or sneaking him extra treats.

Jace's hatred for nursery was so bad that if the word "Sunday", or "church", or "nursery" were ever mentioned throughout the week, crying would start.  He would cling to me, and it was bad news.

One day I couldn't take it anymore.  I felt sick for myself, for Jace, and especially for his nursery leaders.  I decided to call one of those leaders and ask for any advice she might have.  I first apologized for what he puts them through each week and second thanked her for a thankless job.  Third, I asked her if there was anything I should or could be doing to help this situation.  What she told me was priceless. 

"Pray for him.  Pray for him to have a brave heart."

Dang it.  I thought I had tried everything in the book.  I thought for sure she was going to tell me I had done everything possible.  I thought for sure she was just as stumped as I was.  But instead she taught me a valuable lesson.

And guess what.  It worked.