Today I am feeling overwhelmed and just needed a place to put my thoughts for the night!
Even though Camden is just over one year old, going back to work has made me realize how much I took being a Mom for granted. I know, just because I went back to work doesn't mean I am any less of a mom, it just helped me realize what I love.
I love hearing Cam's first cry in the morning, wishing I could still be sleeping, but getting up to see him because I am a mom and that's what I do.
I love trying to sneak a kiss from him while he shakes his head "no" with a huge grin.
I love calling Dan to complain about the naughty things "his" son has done.
I love asking Camden if he is ready to go "nigh night" and he immediately blows kisses and heads for his room.
Today I was running an errand at work and on the way to my destination I saw a Dad trying to console his 16 month old and entertain his 5 year old. Recognizing the look of pure exhaustion on his face I made a pit stop and got them a box of crayons and a coloring book. The kids attention immediately turned to this new "gift" and Dad's to thank me. As stupid as it was, I couldn't hold back the tears when I walked away. It made me miss my boy. I may never say this again, but for that moment I missed wrestling with a tired toddler, I missed consoling an exhausted child, I missed being at home with Camden.
Tomorrow is his first day with his "real babysitter", I don't know what to feel. I feel scared they won't connect. I feel nervous he won't nap and will be super ornery. I feel bad waking him up earlier than normal to get dressed. I feel worried that he might be sad. I feel jealous that I might miss something funny he does. I feel mad because I can't be home with him.
But this is life for now, and it could be worse. So for now I will put my feelings here and leave them to worry about another day. Because after tomorrow and I am home with him for four straight days, and I just might be feeling otherwise.