Tis the Season

Man oh man am I behind!  So much to blog about and so many pictures.  I feel overwhelmed trying to give justice to everything we got to do this Christmas.  So here is the readers digest version.

We enjoyed lots of Christmas stories from Nanny's collection of picture books.

 Got matching jammies(a perk for being willing to model for Nanny's quilt store)to wear Christmas eve.

Left yummy treats for Santa that were quickly gobbled right up.

Made Rudolph cookies in our Halloween costume.

Got to meet our baby(who isn't a baby anymore, sniff sniff) cousin for the first time.

Worked hard on "gifts" we could give back to the Savior as the month went on.

Tried our best to focus on the reason for this Christmas season.

Got to visit family in Utah.

Did lots of lounging around and eating.

And got completely spoiled on Christmas day.

The end.

Feeling Jumbled

Sometimes I feel like I can't explain the way I feel.  It's as if what I'm feeling contradicts itself.

Last week I received a Christmas card in the mail from a neighbor who I serve with in the Young Women's program.  She had sent one addressed to my parents, and another addressed to my little family of 4.  I wasn't quite sure why I was so grateful for this card until later that evening. 

I guess it started while I was attending the Relief Society Christmas party.  The evening was very well thought out, and had a sweet spirit along with it.  I knew several other women there and I definitely didn't feel alone.  But during the middle of the program I felt very out of place.  It felt like I had nothing in common with those people around me.  I felt like they could never understand where I was coming from and vice versa.  That's when my bad attitude started to creep in.  I didn't want to be there.  I didn't want to be in Idaho anymore.

As I walked towards the door to leave, I happened to pass the person who sent the Christmas card I opened earlier that day.  I couldn't help but thank her for sending me a card.  I told her it was very sweet to address one separately, just for me.  Another lady overheard and asked her why she did that.  Why she used another stamp if we live in the same house.  She explained how she felt that she had lost her identity when she lived with her in-laws for a period of time.  She didn't want me to feel that way.

I fought back the tears in front of her that night but came home, curled up in my bed and let them fall.  And that is when the contradiction started.

I am happier with life more right now, than I have been in a long time. I am mentally in a place that feels so good.  I love being so much closer to family and seeing my kids get to know them better.  Dan's job here was an answer to so many prayers.  I feel so blessed to have the support and help of my parents and little brother. They have made it so easy to live here and I can see how hard they've tried to let us be our own family.  I honestly feel like I can't complain about how things are.

At the exact same time I feel like life is in limbo.  I feel chaotic and out of place.  I'm hoping to strike gold and get a place of our own.  I miss my routine and my own life in Arizona.  I miss our ward and friends.  I feel guilty for the convenience of having "built-in" babysitters.

The thought of putting my feelings together confuses me to the core.  I guess it is sort of losing your identity.  But at the same time, I feel like I've found the identity I have spent the last few years searching for.

Tradition

 I have a lot of favorite Christmas traditions and decorating gingerbread houses is definitely one of them.  One thing that was different this year...I finally put on my big girl pants and learned how to make them from scratch.  My very own set of(special made) cookie cutters was passed on to me and I put them to work.

After everyone finished decorating, Camden kept saying he was sad his wasn't as cool as the others.  Seriously, does self doubt and self consciousness really have to start at age four?  Not fair.

Camden's house on the left, Jace Man's on the right.  I think they turned out pretty darn good. 

Sneak Peak

A new aquarium is opening up here in town and this weekend we got back stage passes before the grand opening.

Camden was a little nervous about putting his hands in the water, but Jace practically jumped in for a swim.

There were several interactive exhibits where Jace enjoyed holding baby shark eggs, and touching starfish.

I have a feeling we will be going back for more(after Santa comes with our Season pass).

Camden-1, Jace-Goose egg

I'd be lying if I said I was surprised when I received the following text from Dan last night:

"Jace may or may not have just crashed his head in the wall and left a big hole"

It's bound to happen with two boys, but it's unfortunate it had to be in my parents house.  Whoops.

Dan said they were racing to bed when Camden felt the need to push Jace and ensure a victory on his part.  Too bad Camden felt worse about the accident than he would have about losing the race.

A Friend With Benefits

Our favorite Ya Ya happened to score a sweet job with an airline company.  Lucky for us, we were the recipients of her awesome benefits.

We visited the local craft fair, and had the pleasure of sitting on Santa's lap for the first time this season.

Apparently seeing Santa got Ya Ya in the Christmas mood.  She stopped by the first tree lot we passed and bought the kids their very own fresh Christmas tree.   Leave it to Ya Ya to let them pick out their own ornaments and decorate until their hearts were content.  They are so excited about their own tree and have to show everyone who comes to our house.

Thanks for a fun, spur of the moment visit.